Pants 0. Shit 1.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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