O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
