dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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