true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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