I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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