Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
