he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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