I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
