he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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