The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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