How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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