the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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