So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
