The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
