Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
