Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
