whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
