Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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