Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
