i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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