If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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