Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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