I CAN MOONWALK!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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