I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
