During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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