Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
