My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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