everyone is single if you try hard enough
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
