My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
