they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
