i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
