he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
