I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
