there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
