I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
