happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
