onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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