i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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