Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i barfeds in our rink
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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