considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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