Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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