and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
