Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
