you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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