Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
