Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
