my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't notice because vodka
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
