Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
