Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
