I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
