i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
