No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
