I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
God, I missed his penis.
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