Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
