I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Randomize
